Praying for the Sweet Release that Only Death Can Bring

Cruel Summer

Hot summer streets
And the pavements are burning
I sit around
Trying to smile but
The air is so heavy and dry

Strange voices are saying
(What did they say?)
Things I can't understand
It's too close for comfort
This heat has got
Right out of hand

It's a cruel, (cruel), cruel summer
(Leaving me) leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, (it's a cruel), cruel summer
Now you're gone

It's a cruel, (cruel), cruel summer
(Leaving me) leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, (it's a cruel), cruel summer
Now you're gone

The city is crowded
My friends are away
And I'm on my own
It's too hot to handle
So I got to get up and go

It's a cruel, (cruel), cruel summer
(Leaving me) leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, (it's a cruel), cruel summer
Now you're gone

-Bananarama (S. Dallin, S. Fahey, S. Jolley, T. Swain, & K. Woodward)

Well, you are the mother of my predicament.

She's a one-time Boston barmaid who had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a sanitarium, where I met her, fell for her, and then was so mercilessly rejected by her that to this day there remains a sucking chest wound where once there dwelt a heart!

-Frasier

Perspective

-You shot me in the back.

-If you wanted to be shot in front you should have run towards me.

-Justified

Sowing the Seeds of Love

Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes.

-Justified

Jesus

Jesus, if you help me find him, once I kill him, I swear I'll straighten up. I'll go to church, Sunday school, whatever you want. But Goddamn it, I gotta get this thing done, you understand....

-Justified

Deafeated

Hell is other people.

-Jean-Paul Sartre

I Cried A Mighty Cry Last Night

Truthiness

Even though everything I said is true, it doesn't make me any less of a liar.

-Dexter

What Did I Do Wrong THIS time?

Kissing A Fool

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool."   

- Richard P. Feynman

But Does He Make You Laugh?

Lonely Way To Live

-It has its costs.

-What does?

-Learning to see the puzzle in everything. They're everywhere. Once you start looking, it's impossible to stop. It just so happens that people, in all the deceits and illusions that inform everything they do, tend to be the most fascinating puzzles of all. Of course, they don't always appreciate being seen as such.

-Seems like a lonely way to live.

-As I said....has its costs.

-Elementary

On To The Next Frog

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "It's my nature..."

Another One Bites The Dust

I definitely should not be doing this, but if the past is any prologue, then there's little harm that can come from the miscellaneous ramblings of my syphilitic brain.  Thought that might catch your attention!  Syphilis often does stop conversation dead in its tracks!  No, that STI requires some sort of sexual activity with a cohort of some kind, and well, let's just say...

By all accounts I SHOULD be ok.  But I'm not!  The how, why, and when don't matter any, I just ain't right.  I try to fool myself into believing that I'm ok, but honestly I'm not. 

I have trouble getting in touch with my insanity and can't quite  accept it as part of me. It's just a simple fact that I have to deal with on a daily basis.  Nothing more, nothing less.  There are no moral considerations, it's just how it is in this drunk bloke's objective reality.

Do I go back or do I stay or do I try a different path?  Rather, can I go back, stay, or try a different path?

WTF!

Precious

I've felt lower than this in the past to be sure, but that seems of little consolation to me at the moment. I stand here, yet again, heartbroken and seeking refuge in all sorts of maladaptive behaviors. I'm trying to dull the pain, make time go by faster, but thus far my attempts have been futile at best.

It's a chore to wake up every morning. Every morning is a reminder of just how big a a loser I am. No job, no money, no prospects, painfully alone; sleep alone, wake up alone, eat alone, grieve alone, all alone.

I fucking hate this feeling. This feeling of social isolation, of not fitting in anywhere, and of not being accepted. Acceptance is key, but acceptance of my sorry state is not a pleasant task.

All I know is I hurt. I hurt, like I've hurt many times in the past, and by definition hurt does not feel good.

It sucks!

I need to stay positive and stay focused. Ha ha, focused! That's rich. Focused, tough to stay focused as intoxicated as I am!

I need help!

When In Doubt...

Let it be.

Europe 8-2012

Stomachache

I don’t know how many more exercises in humility I can stomach.