To be, or not to be

Intoxicated. That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to face a lonely existence with sobriety or to seek a momentary refuge in the arms of temptation.

To sleep perchance to dream ...

To escape ...

To forget ...

To the end....................

Dear Mr. Fantasy

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to be grateful for what I have. Instead, I yearn for what I lack, as I wallow in pity and obsessively ruminate within the confines of my suffocating cocoon.

An intelligent being blessed with the powers of common sense and reason might confront life's many challenges through realistic pragmatism. I, however, have chosen to remain complacent, isolated from reality and foolishly seeking asylum in escapist fantasies.

Solitude

"When they are alone they want to be with others, and when they are with others they want to be alone. After all, human beings are like that."

Nice to know I'm human...

Lie To Me

Come on and lay with me
Come on and lie to me
Tell me you love me
Say I'm the only one ...

So lie to me
But do it with sincerity
Make me listen
Just for a minute
Make me think
There's some truth in it

-Depeche Mode (Martin Lee Gore)

I Wanna Be Adored

I don't have to sell my soul
he's already in me
I don't need to sell my soul
he's already in me

I wanna be adored
I wanna be adored...

You adore me
You adore me
You adore me

-Stone Roses (John Squire/Ian Brown )

Patience is a virtue

Solitude, whether perceived in a drunken stupor, or real leaves a lot to be desired. That ephemeral glance from afar into the "idealized" life doesn't help matters much either. Voyeuristic knowledge can be cataclysmic, but sometimes obsession requires knowledge. Is it better to be depressed by bad news, than to have no news at all? Is it better to be in control and all alone or give up control and have company? Either way I lose. I despise "happy" people, but is it really hate

... or just envy?

LLS

Love and Life Sucks!

That's the acronym I used back in the day to express my dismay at the miserable world that surrounded me. Funny how in 15 years little has changed. It seems that the more I come into contact with college aged people, the more miserable I get. In them I see an unbridled enthusiasm, almost a refreshing naivete about how fragile the life constructed around them is.

Part of me is critical, but a bigger part of me is envious, longing for the days when I WAS bulletproof and the future offered a promise to divert my attention from a miserable present. Now I don't even have that. The future is gonna suck as much as the present and I seem powerless to do anything about it. I hope that I am NOT powerless and it only seems that way. We shall see.

The Pink Elephant Sitting in the Middle of the Room

Shall at long last be addressed.

Pro vs. Re ACTIVE

OK so I've decided to be proactive and actively find someone to date instead of sitting on my ass and waiting for something to magically drop into my lap. Per usual I will progress at the rate of molasses rolling down a shallow hill, but any progress is better than none.

Past success does not guarantee future results

Nor do past failures necessitate future disappointments.

"Girls can be so dumb!"

A female friend of mine said under her breath.

FREEDOM ...

is divine.

Don't count your chickens...

before they hatch. Trust me on this one.

If you put all your eggs in one basket and throw the basket off a ten story building, then you have to start collecting new eggs and hopefully more baskets.

Nicely Done!©

Ok, so I'm tryin' to find a place to live and my questionable credit past is catching up with me. Kind of putting a damper on the whole new perspective on life thing. But I shall keep chugging on like the little Shag that could.

I'm also gonna for the first time announce the name of my future business venture, "Nicely Done!". It shall be a pleasant lounge where one can hang out, eat a little somethin', drink a little somethin', chill with some friends, and listen to some good tunes. Think nice comfy warm couch meets tropical island lounge with a shot of downtempo beats.

Mitch Hedberg, RIP

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless." M.H.

Lost in the shuffle of news coverage over the death of Teri Schiavo and the imminent death of the Pope, was the passing of a brilliant comic genius, Mitch Hedberg. See for yourself.

Some more words of wisdom from the master.

That's freaky I just checked out his website a couple of days ago to see if he was coming to town. He will not be forgotten.

GOD Vs. 3 Headed Dragon

On Easter Sunday, a close acquaintance of mine eloquently and skillfully framed the philosophical discussion of religion as only a lawyer could. He said the existence of "GOD" for him is somewhat analagous to the existence of a 3 headed dragon, i.e. though one cannot with absolute certainty disclaim the existence of a 3 headed dragon, one can reasonably assume that such a creature does not exist.

He later said that religion serves to fill in the gaps in our scientfic knowledge base, to which I replied, it also serves to establish and maintain social order, especially when reason and common sense elude the masses.

Sometimes you have to destroy ...

before you can create.

Row your own boat...

That's what one of my aunts always says. It's basically her way of saying we should mind our own businesses and worry about our own lives, or boats as the case maybe, which is extremely ironic considering she herself rarely follows that sage advice. Lately I'm finding this particular task difficult to accomplish. I guess it's easier to contemplate others' lives than to confront the shortcomings of my own.

I've also come to accept that life is a series of controlled lottery contests. Here's hoping I win a big one soon.

Cherophobia - Fear of Happiness

Maybe that's what I have. The reason I'm so morose and cynical, forever the idealistic pessimist. I was just telling someone today:

... sometimes I think I'll never be that (content) because my comfort zone requires some element of misery and despair, like I could be content, but if I were I wouldn't be comfortable; as if I was wearing itchy underwear :-D. I mean can you be truly happy wearing itchy underwear? I don't think I could.

Since I'm not a farmer ...

and science has blessed us with the gift of readily available electricity throughout the day, why in the world do I have to wake up in the early morning? No conceivable reason (other than tradition and the diurnal circadian rhythm of over 98% of the population). I am so not a morning person.

You will never live ...

if you are looking for the meaning of life.

Maybe it's the Rebecca weather, the proximity of VD, or the ephermeral glimpse into an idealized life viewed from afar; or perhaps the single, unoccupied, weekend bed... or maybe I was just born this way. Whatever the reason, melancholy has yet again reared its ugly head.

Even "Ice-T" , "Dr. Dre", and "Peyton" serve only as reminders of an incessant solitude.

At least I'm working now, and Lucky Charms now comes in chocolate ...

Just because you're hung like a moose...

doesn't mean you have to do porn. So says Kumar, but even he wises up eventually and decides to do the responsible grown up thing.

Which brings me to this broader point:

Slackers aren't stupid, they are just too lazy to do anything about their situation.

or in my case too lazy and fearful. VD is around the corner, but that's a topic for future discussion.

Nostalgia is a seductive liar

Spongebob is resting in peace (I hope). His replacement "Dr. Dre" seems to be enjoying his new digs. Have a job interview next week. We'll see what happens.

I saw a re-run of West Wing tonight which had an unexpectedly profound effect on me. I think I really identified with the Tobey character when his love interest, in her refusal of his marriage proposal, called him sad. I wonder if I'm ever not going to be "sad"...

This Just In: Johnny Carson is dead....

It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.

If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.


Seinfeld logic.......

Spongebob is on the verge of death

Well my new experiment is off to a flying start. Spongebob, my fantail goldfish, is fighting for its life. I don't have the heart to euthanize it, but watching it in agony is no bed of roses either. Why a 2 inch fish that I've had less than two months can have such a profound effect on me, while members of my family rarely invoke such feelings of bonding, is a mystery to me.

Spent a little while on Monster to find a job, but it was quite depressing and annoying. But must press on b/c after all the definition of insanity ......

Beyond Heaven Entertainment

"The definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results"

Patterns are difficult to break

Gotta be in it to win it

"When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don't repeat it."

Admission is the first step........

I guess it's time to stop the insanity, recognize what I KNOW and follow my own advice. I'm way too smart for voluntary insanity. As the concept of hope is somewhat difficult for a pessimistic malcontent who lacks faith, I'm opting to focus on reason instead. After all logic should be immune to cynisim. We shall see.

and now for shameless promotion, get your Blog essentials here: Eatonweb Portal