"I Want To Be Alone"

...Now I've been hangin around you for days
But when I'm leanin you just turn your head away
I know you didn't mean that
She said I love the way you think but I hate the way you act

'Cause I always have to steal my kisses from you
Always have to steal my kisses from you ...

-Ben Harper

Fucking Root Beer

There is something eerily soothing and remarkably cathartic about standing in the middle of one’s kitchen, drenched from head to toe with ice cold sticky root beer, and staring incredulously at the panoramic splash pattern on the walls.

How did I get here?

7:59 a.m.

I realize that I have left behind my ATM card at the machine. Thankfully it has not been used in the interim and I can still make rent next month. Now the replacement is going to take a week to get to me, which means no cash for Shag until then. Considering I only have $40.00 to access in the first place, it’s not that big a deal, but I kind of need that money. But it’s ok, it’s Thursday and I get my DVR today.

11:45 a.m.

I have just finished a Dreamweaver class at work, good deal actually, get to learn something useful and get paid for the time. It’s nice and sunny outside. Life is good. Oh look a message on my cell phone. I wonder what that could be?

… Comcast Cable … overwhelming demand … two weeks…

WHAT?! But I had an appointment, called this in over two months ago, etc. Great add this to the long list of highly anticipated small mercies in my life that did not come to fruition.

12:15 p.m

Woohoo gas is on. I can shower at home again. Oh wait, the heater can’t be turned on because of a missing firebox inspection cover.

9:00 p.m.

Get a call from “significant other”. Suffice it to say it was a very heavy conversation. The previous minor annoyances now only serve to aggravate this much larger tightening noose around my neck.

10:03 p.m.

Ok KFC is now closed. I spent a good 45 minutes over the span of two days coming up with a KFC meal that would fit in my caloric budget, but that won’t happen tonight. Add to the list of minor annoyances weighing down the pink elephant in the room.

10:48 p.m.

Have just spent another 45 minutes trying to come up with a Jack In the Box Meal under 1400 kcal. If I run out the door right now I can make it back in time for The Daily Show and Colbert.

10:52 p.m.

Begin to place my order.

-Hi can I get a medium sized Classic Chicken Ciabatta Sandwich with Curley Fries

-What kind of drink?

-Diet Coke

-Anything Else?

-One Eggroll and one Asian Chicken Salad

-Sorry don’t have any more Asian Chicken Salad

Great, the day just keeps getting better

10:59 p.m.

Have just made it back. Cool I get to watch the Daily Show and salvage the evening. I guess instead of the Asian Chicken Salad I can just have a corndog. Put the corndog in the microwave and as I hear the all too familiar sound of the Daily Show theme in the background I take a sip from my drink.

ROOTBEER!

MOTHERFUCKING ROOTBEER!

Not taking time nor effort to forge a cost benefit analysis and forgetting about Newton’s third law of physics, I raise the large plastic cup of soda in a pitcher’s stance and hurl it with all of my might at the corner of my kitchen sink.

The next few minutes of the evening are a blur. I finally calmed down enough to sit down and eat, but most of the Daily Show did not make it into my consciousness. I was about to say goodbye to a miserable night, when Colbert started going off on bears again.

I laughed and laughed maniacally. Not just a normal laugh, a belly aching, rip roaring, orgasmic, Woody Woodpecker laugh.

It felt good to laugh.
It felt good to not be weighed down.

It felt good to finally let go.

After all colored sugar water is easily removed by warm water.
Good thing my gas is on.

Instant Karma

Instant Karma's gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead
What in the world you thinking of
Laughing in the face of love
What on earth you tryin' to do
It's up to you, yeah you

Instant Karma's gonna get you
Gonna look you right in the face
Better get yourself together darlin'
Join the human race
How in the world you gonna see
Laughin' at fools like me
Who in the hell d'you think you are
A super star
Well, right you are

Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Well we all shine on
Ev'ryone come on

Instant Karma's gonna get you
Gonna knock you off your feet
Better recognize your brothers
Ev'ryone you meet
Why in the world are we here
Surely not to live in pain and fear
Why on earth are you there
When you're ev'rywhere
Come and get your share

Well we all shine on...

-John Lennon

The Mirror Can Be An Ugly Thing

New Year's Day

Yeah...

All is quiet on New Year's Day
A world in white gets underway
I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes on New Year's Day
On New Year's Day

I will be with you again
I will be with you again

Under a blood red sky
A crowd has gathered in black and white
Arms entwined, the chosen few
The newspapers says, says
Say it's true it's true...
And we can break through
Though torn in two
We can be one

I...I will begin again
I...I will begin again

Oh...
Maybe the time is right
Oh...maybe tonight...

I will be with you again
I will be with you again

And so we're told this is the golden age
And gold is the reason for the wars we wage
Though I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes
On New Year's Day
On New Year's Day

-U2 (Bono)

Eureka!

It dawned on me tonight, my love, that I don't thank you nearly enough.

I don't thank you for putting a smile on my face first thing in the morning.

I don't thank you for melting my heart with your soft squeeshy marshmellow insides.

I don't thank you for supporting me in all of my endeavors.

I don't thank you for being my rock.

I don't thank you for listening to me and humoring me when I'm being completely unreasonable.

I don't thank you for not giving up on us.

I don't thank you for opening your heart to me.

I don't thank you for your patience.

So my precious,

THANK YOU

Thank you for being you.

Sweet dreams and for God's sake, eat something :-)

My Bloody Valentine

House: The Universe always settles the score

Cuddy: Does it?

House: No, but it should...

-House

A spirit crushed is all but impossible to mend

This is gonna be a lot harder than I anticipated...

If There's A Problem...

Yo I'll Solve It check out the hook while my DJ revolves it



-Floyd Brown, Mario La Vell, Johnson, Robert Matthew Van Winkle (aka Vanilla Ice)

Who Watches The Winter Olympics Anyway?

I know I don't and...

won't.

In other news see Compulsion, I know how this movie ends

For now

I need to care less and be a man

Because I CAN ...

and let's not forget about the pink elephant in the room

Farewell sweetie, here's hoping you find that which you seek.

The Less You Care

the happier you'll be...

I wonder if that'll really be true for me

Be A Man

and quit kissing so much ass!