Cautious Optimism

Deep within the stealthy confines of my vocabulary is the word optimism. A term whose correct usage, though I understand, regrettably have had scant occasion to use.

Playing out various doomsday scenarios in my head for … well forever, I've known few other coping mechanisms than that provided by thinking “what if …” Preoccupied with deflecting the potential disaster lying in wait in every dark crevice, I have found an eerie comfort within my all too familiar construct of ‘a miserable existence.’

"It's all about the contingency plan," I’d chant to my friends. I always have a contingency plan, that way if my first set of plans falls through, I avoid disappointment. This mantra serves as a chilling testament to my anticipation of impending failure and potential disaster lurking around every bend.

In an effort to avert destructive self-fulfilling prophecies and to live my life as sanely as I can, I am sublimating my destructive and maladaptive thoughts into productive behaviors. I’m trying to let things just happen and the chips fall where they may. For better OR worse. I now find myself in the refreshingly rewarding pursuit of cautious optimism, a healthy dose of exuberance tempered by prudent pragmatism.

Imagine that, seeing the glass as half-full and for the first time,

unpolluted.