Milk, It Does a Body Good

I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk...

Self-Absorbed Giant Ass

Looking back at last week's posts, I am faced once again with the reality that I am a self-absorbed giant ass!

Love, Actually

What do you know, I have the capacity to love afterall.

Hope Springs Eternal

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

- Albert Einstein

Easy

Please tell me this isn't easy for you either.

Let There Be Light

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real
tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Saddle Up!

Ok, the four day crying and eating cookies and ice cream is now officially over.

Decompensation

As the mental health professionals would say, I'm decompensating in response to a stressor. I'm slowly unraveling at the seams and losing touch with reality. Considering my usual hold on sanity is at best tenuous, I haven't fallen too far.

Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses

Well you left my heart empty as a vacant lot
For any spirit to haunt...

Who's gonna ride your wild horses
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea
Who's gonna taste your salt water kisses
Who's gonna take the place of me

Who's gonna ride your wild horses
Who's gonna tame the heart of thee

-U2 (Bono)

Somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general

Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like

I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly

Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

-Depeche Mode (Martin Lee Gore)

The Missing

Sometimes I think I'd rather be missed than loved. Now that's just sad.

Habit

How do I go about finding my next "heroin"?

We're All Just Circling the Drain

It'll all be over soon anyway.

Am I?

Am I really THAT unpalatable?

Genius

This is how I like to think of myself.

But this is who I AM.

Genuinely surprised about the inevitable.

What, Me Worry?

Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

You Can Do It

... because, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!

-S. Smalley

Love Hurts

Homer, I can completely sympathize.

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?

Why does my heart
Feel so bad?
Why does my soul
Feel so bad?

-Moby

One of These Mornings

One of these mornings
Won't be very long
You will look for me
And I'll be gone

-Moby

Shake the Disease

I'm not going down on my knees,
Begging you to adore me
Can't you see it's misery
And torture for me
When I'm misunderstood
Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could
To make you see
How important it is for me

Here is a plea
From my heart to you
Nobody knows me
As well as you do
You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue
In situations like these

Understand me

Some people have to be
Permanently together
Lovers devoted to
Each other forever
Now I've got things to do
And I've said before that I know you have too
When I'm not there
In spirit I'll be there

Here is a plea
From my heart to you
Nobody knows me
As well as you do
You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue
In situations like these.

Understand me

-Depeche Mode (Martin Lee Gore)

Don't Dream It's Over

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over...

-Crowded House (N. Finn)

Self-Betrayal

There is no more acerbic a betrayal than that suffered at the hands of the self.

Comfortably Numb

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
And I've become comfortably numb.

-Pink Floyd (R. Waters)

Argument

That's the beauty of argument, if you argue correctly, you're never wrong.

-Thank You for Smoking

Born of Frustration

I still can’t get it through my thick skull that the universe does not rotate around me and that I am unable to control everything and everyone around me. I’ve been in a pissy mood all week. People are louder and more annoying, (‘they’re the same as they’ve always been, it’s just annoying you more now,’ whispers what’s left of my objective brain). I tell myself and others I don’t know why, or that it’s just the winter blues, but that’s not it. Yea I do get noticeably more depressed in the fall/winter months, but I don’t get angry. I’m angry. I’m angry and frustrated. I’m stepping down on the accelerator with all my might, but the wheels just keep spinning in place and the car refuses to budge forward. At least now I have the desire to try to get the car moving. But, as I suspect, that desire will subside in the not too distant future. That’s the scary thought, when I get to where I don’t even try to get the car moving, resign to my fate, and sink into the desolate abyss I’ve come to know so well.

I feel helpless, or as my shrink puts it, not in control of the car. I want to go to the gym, but I’m so fatigued that I fall asleep at 8:30. I wake up in the early morning and drag myself to the bike, but towards the end of the half hour get hypoglycemic and nearly pass out, even though I’d earlier eaten a piece of bread to make sure that didn’t happen. Come home to take a shower and nearly pass out in there, even though right before I ate some more. And I can’t keep eating more because I’m watching my calories. I can’t even escape when I’m asleep. I keep having anxiety dreams of being incapacitated in some way or another, unable to perform even the most menial and simple tasks.

I’m the mime in an opaque shrinking box. I’m being crushed from all sides, seconds from asphyxiation. I scream at the top of my lungs, but no sound escapes my lips. I furiously wave my limbs, yet no one sees. Succumbing to impotence I cease my futile struggles and let nature take its course.

When It Rains...

It Doesn't Matter (Two)

As I lay here with you
The shame lies with us
We talk of love and trust
That doesn't matter

Though we may be the last in the world
We feel like pioneers
Telling hopes and fears
To one another

And oh what a feeling
Inside of me
It might last for an hour
Wounds aren't healing
Inside of me
Though it feels good now
I know it's only for now

The feeling is intense
You grip me with your eyes
And then I realize
It doesn't matter

-Depeche Mode (Martin Lee Gore)

One Day at a Time

This is it; this is it.
This is life, the one you get,
so go and have a ball!

This is it; this is it,
straight ahead, and rest assured,
you can't be sure at all.

So, while you're here, enjoy the view;
keep on doing what you do.
Hold on tight; we'll muddle through,
one day at a time, one day at a time!

So, up on your feet; up on your feet;
somewhere there's music playing.
Don't you worry none,
just take it like it comes,
one day at a time ...

-Jeff Barry