Night Time

I am and have for most of my life been a creature of the night. As I find myself listening to the reverberating tones of The XX, I think about the emotional depth of that nocturnal connection.

I guess it's always held some mystique for me. When I was a child I envied the freedom the night afforded the adults who went to "dancing." I always imagined what heavenly place this "dancing" might be, this lair to which our parents fled and from which all the children were forbidden. Only as an English speaking adolescent did I realize that "dancing" was not a "where," but a "what."

I've struggled with longing far longer than I care to remember. I recall hanging out on the steps of my boyhood home staring out into the summer night's brilliant sky. Sitting with my boyhood mates talking about boyhood things, all the while consuming the dotted sky with a strange yearning to which I could not lend a voice. A yearning to belong and not be alone, a yearning all the more ironic as I actually did "fit in" then.

I guess night has always represented freedom to me. The normal folks are at home and in bed, but we kindred spirits rule the night. Be it dancing, cruising PCH, or even poring through mounds of scientific text. Can't overlook those unforgettable late night early morning cafeteria study sessions in LA and Wisconsin.

Something refreshingly sedating about the night. It's like borrowed time, like I'm cheating sleep. It's sanctioned dissociation from reality and a respite from all its responsibilities and pitfalls. It's like a giant pause button allowing me a break from anxiety. That insomniac high, that rush of feel good chemicals that elicit laughter even from the least deserving of topics. That freedom to be goofy and brutally honest as the tale of loves lost adorn a cafeteria chalkboard.

To quote Mr. Charles, "The night time is the right time." But it's more than that. It's my time. It's the time when it's ok to be unavailable. Ok to be narcissistic and childlike, because no one is awake to care. The banks are closed, the traffic is light, the food is fried, and TV is mind numbingly inane. All as consistent and predictable as the night itself. No surprises, no need to adjust the set, no need to be on guard.

In a word, free.