Good Dog

"So, I'm happily divorced...

She got convinced in her crazy head that I had sex with this girl in Columbus, Ohio.

And I did ...

and I'll tell you why.

When you enter into a monogamous relationship with somebody, you usually do it at a point where you're having a lot of sex in the relationship. So you sign the papers saying 'I'll only have sex with you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, fucking ever.' Well if that person, for whatever reason, stops having sex altogether... why you find yourself in quite a pickle!

I'm a pretty good dog, but if you don't pet me every once in a while, it's hard to keep me under the porch. I'm not as flexible as a real dog.

I'll tell you what happened, too. I was in Columbus, Ohio. I hadn't been laid in three months. Three months. You can't go three months without having sex with me or I'll go find someone else. I know cause I've seen me do it."

-Ron White